About me- Relationship

Ok, this gonna be long. Im gonna talk about what I think about relationship, how I handle it.

And yes, I have a memorable relationship, a person who I will never forget. I don't fall in love easily. Some says I am very choosy, but what I fall for is feeling. Just a glimpse of the person, if he could attract me, I would never turn to others. I can fall for him in a second, but will use forever to forget about him.

I will never admit I have 'first sight love', consider myself as thick face. Admitting to love someone seems to be stupid.And most of the time, I don't even know I have fall in love so deeply. I am very dumb when comes to relationship. Most of the time, I will be the last person to know that I have fall deeply to the person. Sometimes, I can just mixed up the feeling and dunno what im doing, feeling lost.

I will step backward if the person does not express his feeling. What I feel is love needs to two person, I don't like to force. I will be very passive, undecided, contradicting when comes to this point. Before any confirmation of the person, I will never fully fall for him, because I'm afraid of losing. Perhaps, its because of feeling insecure, wanted to protect myself, and yeah, consider that I am selfish.

When comes to friendship, once I have taken you as my besties, I will fall full heartily to help, care for him/her.

I will always think of the person where ever I am, will try to look for him, to see if he is there as well. I will always have illusion, until i break down and cry. It is because I realize I have crazily fall for him, will feel a sudden of scare, helpless. I don't like this feeling, because I don't know how to overcome it. I can't accept being rejected, although I look though from the outside. and yes, I'm weak.

I show myself as happy go lucky person, cause I don't want people to see my sadness. If I'm sad, I will cry alone. I will put everything in my heart. With this, I can avoid embarrassment of confessing, can avoid break up. I can look like I don't care, but whatever he says, I will listen. Even whatever he demands for, even it is over, I will still listen and follow. I look like a love slave, don't I? haha. But towards other (guys who after me), I won't even bother.

If come to a situation where he purposely/accidentally, avoid me, ignore my call, answer me "yes, no, o", I will get very crazy (in heart). I will start to think if I have do something wrong, or I have say wrong thing. I will become 'thin' face, try to be good, and to find out what I have done. But, this only can happen few times, I will consider that he hates me or do not want to see me. And then, I will come to a point of being silent. If I act silent, not talking, I know I'm scary (cause I will think more)

But when the person suddenly treated me better, I will never look back, I will forget and forgive about what he has done to me before. As long as we are happy to be together, the past, future, face, money, time, even myself don't matter anymore.

I will care for him so much, that I will forget about myself. I will fall for him so hard because I know no one can give me this happiness except him.

Just because I love him more than loving myself, might lead to unappreciated. I am the kind of doesn't think of the consequences when come to relationship. As long as I give out, I will give everything, I will never take back. The more I fall for, the more hurt I might get.

I consider I'm good in giving trouble to myself. I do not want him to get upset, will always find a good way for him to leave, and let myself to cry alone. I always think that I can overcome extraordinary stress, always think that I'm tougher than others. But sometimes, I realize that I got hurt the most, but I just don't know how to express.

The word 'I love you', I don't easily say it out, cause I think its forever. It has been a long time that I don't dream anymore. I don't dream about love, cause I am afraid that I will lose trust in it. When I say dream, it means illusion (day dreaming).

And then, I will act happy go lucky again. Some says I am very flirty, will love whoever I see. But deep in my hear, I know I will only love once, I will always laugh, encourage myself "who am i? come on! Im not that weak!!!" There is even someone who says I'm cruel, I'm selfish, proud. Who knows that I can only accept one? Who knows that I will change for him?

When I acted over happy or over sad, please do not be deceived. I don't really look happy, I don't really feel that sad. Its just sometimes, I will wear a happy mask when Im sad. And when I'm happy, the sadness has not leave me.

Alot of people will say I can act differently just in one second, what have cause me to so hard to be understand. Its because I want to show my toughness to people, covering my weakness. I always do not get appreciated in love, I guess you should have know why by now? :)